I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
