I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
