Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
