i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
