my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
