So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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