his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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