I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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