he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
