So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
