i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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