So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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