careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
