If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
