so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're hired as official boob wrangler
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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