the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
