just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
