I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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