he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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