Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize