ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
