Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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