I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
