so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
