I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She announced her abortion via fbk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
