So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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