having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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