I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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