mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
