I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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