I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
