capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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