Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
