Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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