Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
