we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Randomize
