We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
