God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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