sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
