Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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