i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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