New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
