trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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