Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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