She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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