hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I want a musical about memes.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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