i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
