He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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