problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
