bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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