She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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