if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
