I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
