so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So squirting runs in the family.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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