As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
