My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
