Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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