I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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