New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
