Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
