Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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