You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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