I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize