I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Never underestimate the power of titties
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
